And missing her.
Sure… there are hard times to any relationship. But those good times are so much more critical than the hard times! I shouldn’t have jumped to such a foolish conclusion about what to do.
I hope its not over.
This year, I went to TED Active in Palm Springs. I lead an event - TEDxUNCAsheville. I’ve read many many different books. I slowly realized just how difficult Fall of 2012 was for me when Spring of 2013 arrived.
Summer of 2013 was a learning experience beyond any other - my first experience in a position of legitimate authority. Quite a lonesome summer in many ways, but so fulfilling at the same time! And the Summer of 2014 is the next step.
Fall of 2013 marked the start of a more adult life. My first month in an apartment of my own, my first bills, and my first place to really call my own. Great roommates, great experiences. This space is already filled with them! I halted one relationship without the expectation of getting into another. Proof that expectations exist to be shattered. Now, I’m in my first truly healthy and even relationship since High School - since Mallori. But, there are kinks. Real boats rock.
I’ve loved and lost and given and taken and shared and jealously guarded pieces of my life. I’m introspective to a fault. A fault, because the introspection often goes in circles. I look for a flash of insight, with no light in sight.
And now I fear that I’ve become too serious of a person. I look in the mirror, though not often, and I ask myself - “What do I want to become? Where have I been and where am I going? What’s next? Today, tomorrow, next week, next year, next stage?” I know not. I have not known for a while.
Here I am now, attempting to make some New Years Resolutions. Ok - here goes.
- Code at least once a day - have that commit log be green all the way through!
- Work first and play later.
- Truly relax - be vulnerable and be confident and relaxed in those vulnerabilities. I can’t imagine this happening in one year. Practice, practice, practice.
- Worry less, stress less, and love more. Love more visibly too!
- Think of this daily: “We judge others by their actions, and we judge ourselves by our intentions”. For this year, I want to judge myself by my actions more.
I’m sure there are more. No list is ever done, we only stop adding to it.
Happy New Year, friends! May your cups overflow!
I certainly know why I look down.
tendencies, and rain
that clings to my shoulders.
Also, the last remnant
of shyness, especially
after some piercing,
pure eye contact paired
with a smile. Gaze averted,
but my quiet smile hidden,
I walk on.
But, why do you look down?
Eyes have been called:
"the window to a soul"
But, whose soul?
Does the eye contact you
expose the sanctity of your thoughts?
Or, am I offering my own thoughts to you in that moment?
I said it before - I look down. But not when I pass you.
contact River Whyless about a potential TEDx performance at UNC Asheville in February… Any thoughts?
You have to treat time like a phenomenal, ancient pocket watch. It’s always been and will always be the same watch. If it wasn’t, we would know! However, it needs to be wound back up again. And so, the night before graduation, I rewind time. It feels like new, and it certainly is. The way time is rewound is different every single year. But the watch stays the same.
Something I’ve noticed more and more frequently: my peers and professors speak like a formal essay. By this, I mean they first give me the abstract synopsis/conclusion of what they are about to talk about. From there, they begin to tell me how they came to the conclusion through a specific, typically interesting story. Why not lead with the story and then give the conclusion? I have a much greater reason to listen to you if you give me some suspense! Speak like a good book: lay the ground work of a practical real-world example of a concept which you haven’t yet shared! From there, give me a story that I’ll be captivated by. Finally, tell me what’s significant about the story; see if we come to the same conclusions. See if our opinions differ. Good conversation comes from these complementary and contradictory opinions emerging from the same contexts!
I shouldn’t be frustrated by this, but my finals and other last minute semester-ending details are trying to eat away at my soul. More or less.